The Emotional Journey of Moving a Parent into Assisted Living
By Marty O’Connor, President & CEO, Home Again Assisted Living
I have never met a family that was excited to begin looking for assisted living.
More often, I meet people who are overwhelmed, exhausted, and carrying a tremendous amount of guilt. They worry they are making the decision too soon. They worry they have waited too long. They wonder if their mom or dad will be angry with them. Most of all, they wonder if they are doing the right thing.
After many years of meeting with families, I’ve learned that these feelings are completely normal.
Choosing assisted living is rarely about finding a new place to live. It is about accepting that someone you love needs help. That can be one of the most emotional moments a family will ever experience.
One of the hardest parts is that many adult children make promises years earlier without realizing how circumstances can change.
“I’ll never put Mom in a nursing home.”
“I’ll take care of Dad myself.”
Those promises are made out of love, but life often has other plans. Careers, children, distance, and changing health can make it impossible for one person to provide the level of care a parent eventually needs.
Needing help is not a failure.
Asking for help is not giving up.
Sometimes it is the most loving decision a family can make.
One thing I encourage families to remember is that assisted living is not about taking independence away. In many cases, it helps people regain it.
When someone no longer has to worry about cooking every meal, managing medications, maintaining a home, or wondering what will happen if they fall, they often have more time and energy to enjoy the things that matter most. They build friendships, participate in activities, and become part of a community.
I have also learned that families often carry more anxiety about the move than their loved one does.
The weeks leading up to move-in are usually filled with uncertainty. Families wonder if their parent will adjust, whether they will make friends, or if they will ever feel at home again.
Then something remarkable often happens.
A few weeks later, I receive a phone call or see the family during a visit. Their loved one has found a favorite table in the dining room. They know the staff by name. They are participating in activities. They are smiling again.
The family usually says the same thing.
“We wish we had done this sooner.”
I hear those words far more often than I hear someone say they moved too early.
That doesn’t mean the transition is easy.
There are emotional conversations, difficult days, and moments when everyone questions whether they made the right decision. Those feelings are part of the process. They don’t mean the decision was wrong. They simply reflect how much love exists within a family.
If I could offer one piece of advice, it would be this.
Don’t wait until there is a crisis.
Too many families begin searching after a fall, a hospitalization, or another emergency. At that point, decisions must be made quickly, often with very little time to explore options or involve a loved one in the process.
Instead, start the conversation early.
Visit communities before you need them. Ask questions. Meet the people who may one day care for your parent. Learn what assisted living really looks like today. Even if the timing isn’t right, you’ll feel more prepared when the time comes.
At Home Again, we never want families to feel pressured into making a decision. Our role is to listen, answer questions honestly, and help families understand their options.
Every family’s story is different, and there is no perfect time to make this decision.
What I do know is this.
The families who approach the process with compassion, patience, and an open mind almost always find peace in knowing they made the decision out of love.
And in the end, that is what matters most.
About the Author
Marty O’Connor is the President and CEO of Home Again Assisted Living, a locally owned organization serving older adults throughout south central Wisconsin. As one of the owners of Home Again, Marty remains actively involved in the day to day operations of each community, working closely with residents, families, and employees rather than leading from a distance.
Over the years, he has helped guide Home Again’s growth while staying true to the company’s founding belief that every resident deserves exceptional care, meaningful relationships, and a place that truly feels like home. Marty is passionate about supporting families through one of life’s most important decisions and believes that local ownership, experienced leadership, and compassionate caregivers make all the difference.
Through these articles, Marty shares insights gained from years of working alongside residents, families, nurses, and caregivers with the hope of helping others make informed, confident decisions about senior living.
